Have You Noticed Your Adult Children Don’t Ask Your Advice About Anything? Here’s Why.
We See the Obvious
The research is coming in, but we all know it is says. Adult children today do not ask their parents for advice or guidance. For example, a 2012 Pew Research study found just 43% of adults said they received parenting advice from their parents frequently, while 53% said they did so rarely or never.
Or this: A 2019 study in Research on Aging observed a decline over generations in reporting parents as a source of support. In 1965, 45% named parents as a source of support, declining to 27% by 2004.
These findings are not surprising to any older adult with adult children. Here are a few reasons why this may be:
- Family Ties: The family is not as tight-knit as it has been in the past. Members of a family live all over the country or the world. The day-to-day interactions have shifted. Being a part of their lives is hard when they live far away.
- Social Media: Social media and the internet have become sources of authority, support, and information displacing the elders. Older parents might want to advise their adult children, but it might only be taken as a second opinion.
- Culture Shifts: So much has changed in our culture that many adult children find their parent’s opinions passe, outdated, or based on religious beliefs they do not fully share.
- Egalitarianism: Most families are less hierarchical and more egalitarian today. The “Father Knows Best” era has long since passed, even though older parents might remember those parental and gender roles with nostalgia.
Older parents with adult children should not fear these shifts. Nor should we criticize our children for their independence and self-sufficiency. Instead, we need to find new ways of being an important part of their lives and families.
